[The Problem and my Solution]
I’m having a really hard time focusing on tasks at work lately. This isn’t exactly new, but it is worsening lately. I have mentioned it to my new pdoc and he’s declined to do anything about it. I will bring it up again when I see him next week, I think. I am going to try going back to the original (full) dose of my wake-the-fuck-up-and-focus medication starting tomorrow.
[Some Details]
I directly manage a team of 10 engineers, for whom I need to complete annual performance appraisals. I won’t get into the flaws of this practice; I just have to DO IT. I’ve had weeks to get these done and I’m down to the last 2 days before the due date and I got three done last Friday, working from home, and just one done today. I had 4 hours blocked out on my calendar today to work on them, and it took until about 2:30pm for me to actually open the performance system and do some goddamned work.
I cleaned off my desk. I did my makeup. I got 15 refills on my water bottle. I went to the bathroom a million times. I rearranged my pens. I tried out my new notebook. I browsed the internet. I got interrupted by legit work questions from the people I supposedly manage. I made PHONE CALLS to avoid doing work. That’s how desperate this has gotten.
I can usually FORCE myself to do work when I absolutely have to, but this is pretty fucking daunting.
My boss DID agree that I could be late with the submission. (He himself will be late, and I know my PA will be kinda lame and half-assed, personally.) It still kills me to miss a due date, no matter how arbitrary it is. There’s also knowing that I’ll be super relieved to have gotten them all done.